Used to be Girls' Night Out involved some gallery hopping or retail therapy followed by drinks and appetizers. These were delivered by a most accommodating waiter who wanted to make sure “you ladies have everything you want.”

That's all different now. In Grand Junction, recession-era Girls' Night Out has morphed into a “networking opportunity.” This means that the event is a venue for leveraging the bonds of friendship to pry cash out of one's girlfriends' wallets.

Nowadays, when someone suggests, “Say, I'm getting some friends together for next Tuesday night. You on?” the appropriate response is, “Who's selling what?”

Then you can count on something like “Well, Sally is selling handbags and Susie is selling some amazing anti-aging vitamins.” The drinks and apps have been replaced by a City Market veggie tray and a box of wine on the kitchen table.

The hostess' grumpy husband/boyfriend is totally lacking in charming waiter skills. It is best if he leaves for the evening.

I understand the recession has driven people who swore they would never get involved with an MLM (multi-level marketing) company to sign up to become fast-tracked independent widget distributors. After only two hours of sales training, these ladies are instant experts at encapsulated nutrition or the best ways to hide those bags under your eyes.

I just can't do one more handbag party. The bags under my eyes are hopeless, no matter what the independent cosmetic rep says. No proprietary vitamins are going to restore the vim and vigor of my youth.

The thing I can't understand is why my hostess, and her spice-mix selling friend, thinks the recession has been any kinder to me than it has been to them. I'm broke too, girlfriend!

It is easier to say no to the entire evening than to say no once I get there.

I'm trying to keep this light, but I must dive briefly into the dynamic that brought us to this sorry state of recession-era Girls' Night Out.

The economy may indeed be resetting to a new paradigm, but a lot of people appear to have been permanently left out in the cold.

Multi-level marketing opportunities may appear to be a quick career fix for the recent college grad, or for the suddenly downsized older worker who fears that the last job they had was as good as it was going to get, and now that's gone.

While an instant “business opportunity” sounds very appealing, research shows that MLM's suck far more money out of the local economy than they put into it.

Like any other pyramid scheme, the only ones who do well are those who get in early and work it relentlessly. They sell unobtainable dreams to desperate people who might be better off realistically assessing how they are going to stay alive on permanently reduced income.

Worse, they take the squirmy tactic of making your friends feel guilty if they do not shell out for overpriced products. The only way to get the cost down to local retail prices is to sign up oneself to be a widget distributor. This means you join the friend's “downline,” and find yourself in an invasive business. Your buddies stop returning your calls.

MLM's should be arrested and charged with assault on Girls' Night Out.

Ladies, we must save Girls' Night Out! Women must gather. It's the only hope for the world. But let us not fall prey to extractive schemes. We can do better than that.

I enjoy two regular Girls' Nights Out every month. One is a ladies' investment club in Grand Junction named the Trading Belles. The age range of the participants is 23 to 78.

We get together once a month to learn about and participate in the legalized gambling known as the stock market. After months of careful consideration, we bought our first stock. We're tracking it while we build our cash fund and research our next purchase.

The other is a ladies' book club in the Roaring Fork Valley. We take turns choosing the book. So far we have read and discussed bodice-rippers, family sagas, inspirational true stories and tales of intrigue. The current selection is an historical account of the spice trade, which was and remains as cutthroat as the stock market.

The woman who chooses the book hosts the discussion, which always involves a light dinner together. Some host at their home and cook for the group. Take out is always an option.

If the hostess is flush (or insecure in her cooking skills), she may opt to cover appetizers and the first round of drinks at a mid-valley bistro.

It's like old times. The company is great, the conversation lively. And the waiters are more accommodating than ever.

Long live Girls' Night Out!